This Tuesday, like so many other geeks around the world, I picked up my copy of Halo 3 for the X-Box 360. The X-Box 360 was my present to myself this past winter after a string of persona victories, and a large part of why I purchased the new gaming system was for the eventual release of Halo 3. I did not buy it at midnight and take Tuesday off of work so that I could play it all night (unlike some people) but I did play for about 3 hours on Wednesday night.
As I was playing online, I realized just how old I am. We heard the voices of younger players and started complaining about having 12 year olds on our team, only to hear the defiant response that they were 13 and not 12. But more so than the age difference, I found myself bothered by the immature and inappropriate language of all the teenagers and other adolescents I knew existed on the other end of the network. I'm not talking about profanity - I don't even notice that unless someone is so incapable of expressing themselves in a coherent manner that all they use to vocalize are curse words.
What bothered me was the use of words like "rape", "queer", "fag" and others without so much as a seconds' thought or hesitation. When I did my student teaching my cooperating teacher made a big deal out of conditioning students out of using words like "fag" and "gay" as commonplace insults, and I guess it had an impact on me. I had never really paid attention to it before, but ever since then I have also tried to discourage such language. Since returning to higher education and spending a great deal of time talking about issues of social justice, I guess I don't know how to turn that kind of thing off any more. I have friends who are gay, and other friends who spend a lot of time working for gay rights issues, so in spending so much time with them I am not able to ignore it any more because I know what it means to them that so many people use those terms interchangeably with any other insult without a second thought. I know I can't really change any one's opinions or behaviors, but it's gotten a lot harder to just let it go unchallenged because I know it's just a lack of ever having thought about it on their part.
But what really got to me was how casually the term "rape" was thrown around. Talking about another player killing them, or recounting one of their own kills, any particularly brutal or surprising kill was described as "Getting raped" or "raping" the other player. I actually called another player out about it, telling him it wasn't cool, but I'm sure he just ignored me.
This semester I started co-advising a group on campus that works with sexual assault prevention and education, and the big reason I got involved is because I want to work to change the attitudes and beliefs of men on campus about what is appropriate and what isn't in relationships and in their daily conversations and interactions with gender issues. I know that most of it can be chalked up to immaturity and "not knowing any better", but after a short while those just become excuses. If males are never challenged about it, they'll never have to think about it, and they can go on the rest of their lives being oblivious to the fact that they are helping to perpetuate and support a culture that allows rape and sexual assault to be topics that are accepted rather than a source of outrage.
I know I'm not going to make a difference calling some 14 year old kid out on X-Box Live. I know that I may be treading the fine line between doing the right thing and becoming that annoying uber-PC activist type. But once you start thinking about it, and thinking about what the language actually implies and how it's nonchalant usage almost normalizes it, I would hope that it provokes at least some sort of uneasiness and cause to reflect.
Friday, September 28, 2007
So I May Have Overreacted...
My dear readers I thank you for your patience and your continuous putting up with me. My most recent post prior to this was nothing more than whining and carrying on in self-pity, and for that I apologize. As it turns out I was, as many people have pointed out over the years, just thinking and worrying about it too much.
The reality of the situation was that her mobile phone died in a way that the Verizon dealer refused to believe her that she had not been submersing the device in water, and she was without access to her phone until that following week. On top of that she counted up the hours she spent at work to a number surpassing 90, so she clearly had a lot to deal with.
She came over Tuesday and we talked at her prompting, and while we don't necessarily have any answers we have a pretty good understanding and I am just fine with that.
Moving right along...
The reality of the situation was that her mobile phone died in a way that the Verizon dealer refused to believe her that she had not been submersing the device in water, and she was without access to her phone until that following week. On top of that she counted up the hours she spent at work to a number surpassing 90, so she clearly had a lot to deal with.
She came over Tuesday and we talked at her prompting, and while we don't necessarily have any answers we have a pretty good understanding and I am just fine with that.
Moving right along...
Sunday, September 16, 2007
I'm an Anachronism
How can I possibly hope to ever successfully navigate the world of dating and relationships when this is the status of marriage in our society? Clearly I'm not planning on getting married any time soon , but to follow a line of inductive reasoning the complete disregard in our society for what I thought marriage was can only follow to the realms of dating and other relationships.
In layman's terms - I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore. That would, of course, presume I ever had an understanding of the dating scene, which by my own admission would be a dubious claim at best.
Once again I find myself spending the whole weekend without hearing back from the girl I thought I had hit things off with.
It's become a predictable pattern. I find a girl that there seems to be some sort of spark with and we start spending time together. Over a few weeks the usual flirtation and cat-and-mouse ensues and the ambiguous line between friendship and something more is crossed in a way that would seem to indicate progress in a certain direction. And yet soon after, whether after a few days or weeks, the bottom falls out for no discernible reason.
I don't get it.
All the signs that would indicate that she (and I'm using the female pronoun to act as a general identifier since this has happened with at least 4 girls I can think of off-hand) is interested and so I respond in kind. Such response is met with seemingly equal enthusiasm, and yet while I seem to gain interest she seems to lose interest at the same rate.
I try to play things cool. I approach the situation with a "let's see what happens" mentality, never betraying any sort of undue commitment with words like "relationship" or "girlfriend". I try to establish a sense of casual dating, and yet time after time it falls apart before it has a chance to even start.
As I have already lamented countless times - I don't get it. It's not like I'm picking up girls at the bar with a clear disposition towards one night stands only to find myself scratching my head when it doesn't work out. And clearly I'm not so unappealing that at least a few girls haven't, from time to time, been attracted to me (though in my lowest moments of self-doubt and insecurity I question the veracity of this claim).
What almost makes it worse is the closeness that exists in my platonic friendships. Being in a program with an extraordinarily unbalanced female to male ratio means there aren't as many guys to hang out with, and as a result I have formed most of my close friendships here in graduate school with my female classmates. And as we have spent our time together and gotten to know each other those friendships have grown stronger, which would presumably indicate that they like me more the more they have gotten to know me. Some have even said the same thing themselves, which leads me to my ultimate conclusion...
I am eminently undateable.
In a paradoxical manner, the more women spend time with me the more they love me, so long as they have a boyfriend, or are attracted to women, or are otherwise safe in the knowledge that we will never date. If they are single there seems to be some sort of threshold that as soon as I start getting interested their interest wanes in an inverse fashion. They could be madly in love with me from afar, and yet as soon as I let it slip that I may be even the slightest bit interested they could suddenly care less.
I'm sure that the resulting comments to this diatribe will spark the debate as to whether this is self-pity or self-awareness. That being said, all I can close with is that if you have a better explanation, I'd like to hear it.
In layman's terms - I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore. That would, of course, presume I ever had an understanding of the dating scene, which by my own admission would be a dubious claim at best.
Once again I find myself spending the whole weekend without hearing back from the girl I thought I had hit things off with.
It's become a predictable pattern. I find a girl that there seems to be some sort of spark with and we start spending time together. Over a few weeks the usual flirtation and cat-and-mouse ensues and the ambiguous line between friendship and something more is crossed in a way that would seem to indicate progress in a certain direction. And yet soon after, whether after a few days or weeks, the bottom falls out for no discernible reason.
I don't get it.
All the signs that would indicate that she (and I'm using the female pronoun to act as a general identifier since this has happened with at least 4 girls I can think of off-hand) is interested and so I respond in kind. Such response is met with seemingly equal enthusiasm, and yet while I seem to gain interest she seems to lose interest at the same rate.
I try to play things cool. I approach the situation with a "let's see what happens" mentality, never betraying any sort of undue commitment with words like "relationship" or "girlfriend". I try to establish a sense of casual dating, and yet time after time it falls apart before it has a chance to even start.
As I have already lamented countless times - I don't get it. It's not like I'm picking up girls at the bar with a clear disposition towards one night stands only to find myself scratching my head when it doesn't work out. And clearly I'm not so unappealing that at least a few girls haven't, from time to time, been attracted to me (though in my lowest moments of self-doubt and insecurity I question the veracity of this claim).
What almost makes it worse is the closeness that exists in my platonic friendships. Being in a program with an extraordinarily unbalanced female to male ratio means there aren't as many guys to hang out with, and as a result I have formed most of my close friendships here in graduate school with my female classmates. And as we have spent our time together and gotten to know each other those friendships have grown stronger, which would presumably indicate that they like me more the more they have gotten to know me. Some have even said the same thing themselves, which leads me to my ultimate conclusion...
I am eminently undateable.
In a paradoxical manner, the more women spend time with me the more they love me, so long as they have a boyfriend, or are attracted to women, or are otherwise safe in the knowledge that we will never date. If they are single there seems to be some sort of threshold that as soon as I start getting interested their interest wanes in an inverse fashion. They could be madly in love with me from afar, and yet as soon as I let it slip that I may be even the slightest bit interested they could suddenly care less.
I'm sure that the resulting comments to this diatribe will spark the debate as to whether this is self-pity or self-awareness. That being said, all I can close with is that if you have a better explanation, I'd like to hear it.
It's About Damn Time
Mitch Albom's recount of yesterday's U of M vs Notre Dame "game"...
I wish I could be happier about it, but the reality is that The University of Michigan didn't win so much as Notre Dame lost that badly. We sure needed the win, but I am hesitant to take it as a sign of a turn-around this season. Still, there are few things as great as kicking the ever-living crap of of Notre Dame's football team.
One of them is Brady Quinn getting hit by a bus.
The other is Charlie Weiss having a heart attack after receiving word that Brady Quinn was hit by a bus, only to stumble into traffic mid-cardiac incident only to himself be hit by a bus.
Go Blue.
I wish I could be happier about it, but the reality is that The University of Michigan didn't win so much as Notre Dame lost that badly. We sure needed the win, but I am hesitant to take it as a sign of a turn-around this season. Still, there are few things as great as kicking the ever-living crap of of Notre Dame's football team.
One of them is Brady Quinn getting hit by a bus.
The other is Charlie Weiss having a heart attack after receiving word that Brady Quinn was hit by a bus, only to stumble into traffic mid-cardiac incident only to himself be hit by a bus.
Go Blue.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Never Forget
Six years ago today the United States of America, and the entire free world, was shaken out of its blissful ignorance and comfort. Despite what the calendar says the Twentieth Century didn't come to a close on December 31, 2000. The new century began on September 11, 2001 just as the Twentieth Century really began on June 28, 1914 with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife, thus sparking World War I. All that made sense in the 19th Century and Europe no longer held true after that day in Sarajevo, just as our world has never been the same since that morning on the Eastern Seaboard.
And yet many young, naive fools and even their older and supposedly wiser fellows seem to have forgotten this. For whatever narrow-mindedness or personal bias, they have forgotten. They have forgotten those lives lost. They have forgotten the outrage, the fear, the doubt, and the ultimate unity that brought us all together for too brief a time. They have forgotten that in so many parts of this world there are cowardly individuals who have perverted a religion that is supposed to be a source of peace and love into a justification for their hate. They have forgotten that these individuals live only to subjugate and murder those who oppose them, and instead direct their ill-informed anger at those who seek change and peace.
I just wonder how long it took after December 7, 1941, for our country to forget Pearl Harbor. Our nation seems to have an even shorter national memory and attention span than any other people in history, and I wonder when the solemn promise to never forget will instead be replaced with a vain plea to remember.
I for one will never forget, and hope that others can see past themselves long enough to do the same.
And yet many young, naive fools and even their older and supposedly wiser fellows seem to have forgotten this. For whatever narrow-mindedness or personal bias, they have forgotten. They have forgotten those lives lost. They have forgotten the outrage, the fear, the doubt, and the ultimate unity that brought us all together for too brief a time. They have forgotten that in so many parts of this world there are cowardly individuals who have perverted a religion that is supposed to be a source of peace and love into a justification for their hate. They have forgotten that these individuals live only to subjugate and murder those who oppose them, and instead direct their ill-informed anger at those who seek change and peace.
I just wonder how long it took after December 7, 1941, for our country to forget Pearl Harbor. Our nation seems to have an even shorter national memory and attention span than any other people in history, and I wonder when the solemn promise to never forget will instead be replaced with a vain plea to remember.
I for one will never forget, and hope that others can see past themselves long enough to do the same.
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