The Can of Worms...

Can one of the crazy leftists in the audience please answer this question for me...

How can President Bush be responsible for every "mistake", "injustice" and "failure" if Dick Cheney is "running the country"?

Oh, who am I kidding. I'll get an answer to that one that makes sense as soon as John Kerry makes a decision about and stands for something.

I've got a funny feeling, we're all born to lose...

It would appear that I am 6 different kinds of screwed. Unfortunately, none of these are in the good way. From what I've been able to gather via phone calls and information on websites, all of the jobs I've applied for have been filled without so much as a "thanks for playing" given to me. I applied for a job at Holland, and the HR secretary told me that had been filled. I applied for a job in Plymouth, where I had subbed and I thought made great connections with staff and administrators... the website says position filled. I called the Psychology department where I had applied for a job that fit my experience perfectly... the office girl said only people who had interviews would have been notified the position had been filled.

My last hope is Almont. When I interviewed with them, they told me that their last interviews were on Tuesday, and that after that they would bring their top two candidates in for second interviews. They hoped to make a hiring by Friday. Well, it's Thursday, and I haven't heard about a second interview.

I'm in the process of tracking down all the information I need to substitute teach in the area. My school district says they're not accepting any more subs for the year. So, I'm left with all of the other schools in the county, and I have no idea what to expect from them.

Fuck.

Mmm... Elisha Cuthbert

A few months ago, my friend Joe had free tickets to see The Girl Next Door. His fiancee didn't want to see it, so I was able to tag along to use the other ticket. We were expecting stupid adolescent humor and maybe a few tit shots. Instead, we were tremendously surprised by how much we honestly liked the film, characters, and story. And so, sitting in the theater, I told myself I would buy it when it came out on DVD.

Well, it came out on DVD today. There are both an unrated and rated version. I was conflicted about which to get, making sure that I'd get all the extra features and all that with whichever version I chose. I had bought the unrated version of Van Wilder, and thought that the "too hot for theaters" material was stupid and didn't add anything good to the movie.

Well at Best Buy the unrated version was on sale, and the rated version was not. The unrated version also advertised that it contained an alternate ending as an extra feature, which the rated version did not. So, I went with it, and luckily all of the extra scenes and additional "hot material" are just optional.

Good lord is Elisha Cuthbert attractive in this movie. Seriously. I found out that she's also Canadian, bringing the Canadian girls I love tally to:
- Shania Twain
- Lederhosen Lucil
- Elisha Cuthbert

Gotta go watch those special features at some point...

Big Multiple Subject Catch-Up Post

It's been a few days since I've been on the computer, and so here's a few things I've been meaning to put down on "paper" the last couple days.

Watergirl
At the Guster concert... boy, were you ever hot!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Job Interview
The job interview I had in Almont on Friday seemed to go really well. The principal was a U of M grad himself, and thus I had an in from the start. Every question they had for me allowed some sort of exposition on my part about my experiences and skills, and we bantered well. At different points of the interview they asked about my resume, certificate, transcripts, and lesson samples that they did not remember to bring their copies of, and I produced a new copy for them to keep.

They are still interviewing others today and tomorrow, and hope to have a decision by Friday. If I get the job, I'll be teaching two law classes and a geography class. Not my first choices, but it could prove to be interesting. So, at this point I guess I am hoping for the job unless a miracle second option comes along.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taste Testing
While on the road on Friday, I needed to get food. Fast food was the obvious choice, and so I gave in to marketing and sampled two new choices I had seen advertised recently. The first was McDonald's new Chicken Selects, which are their improved offerings beyond their chicken nuggets. This was my first time in McDonald's in years, and it will probably be another few years before I go again. They were OK, but nothing special. If you want chicken tenders, go to Arbys. They cost the same, and Arbys are better.

So that was lunch. I also needed dinner on the way home, so I stopped at Wendys. I got their new Bacon Mushroom Melt, and while it was not as good as it looked on TV, it was still quite good. Between the bacon, cheddar, and cheesy sauce, I highly recommend it if you're in the mood for a cheesburger.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Garden State
Since I was making the trip to Ann Arbor yesterday for MU330 anyway, we decided to take advantage of the fact that Garden State was finally released at the State Theater. During the first half of the movie I was a bit unsure, but I loved the second half. Given what happens during the course of the movie, I think that mirrors the way the characters and the story develops, so it makes sense. As was to be expected, Natalie Portman was every kind of wonderful in the film. Make no mistake, I love her in the Star Wars prequels, but to see her play a "normal" 22 year old girl makes her that much more lovely. I too would gladly turn to the Dark Side in order to win her affection.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MU330

The main point of the trek to Ann Arbor last night was to see MU330 at the Blind Pig. It was, overall, a good show with a few highs and lows. Among the lows were the fact that it was an all ages show, and thus it felt like chaperoning homecoming again. Both highs and lows came from the opening acts. Bantha Fodder sucked a big one, and all deserve to be fed to large, hairy pack animals. Ann Arbor local teenagers The Ninjas were a huge surprise, being a really good ska band at such a young age. The Suburban Legends were ok, brought down mostly by the fact that I hated their lead singer. But, they were a ska band, and that coupled with the fact that they were more than passable made them overall worth staying inside for.

I don't really have a whole lot of experience with MU330, so I didn't know what to expect. I wouldn't classify them as one of my favorite bands, but they rocked nonetheless and I enjoyed their show.

Almont Joy

So, I have an interview on Friday. I don't remember applying to this school, because I sure as hell have no idea where it is. If anyone has been to Almont, MI, please raise your hand. The map says it's by Grand Blanc and Flint, so if anyone has any info please let me know.

If I get the job there, Monday is the first day for teachers. I may not even hear after the interview until Monday, thus making my first day after school has started. Unfortunately, this is normal procedure, so I have no idea what to expect.

I remember you, Watergirl!

Yes, that's right Katie. I know you were at 1213 once or twice, and if nothing else at the Guster show a couple years ago. I'm not sure what relevance any of this has, but there you go.

Yay minor changes!

I was finally able to figure out how to successfully change a few of the annoying things about my particular blog template. I almost changed it to a whole different template, but decided not to. What bothered me to no end was that whatever hack designed this template felt the need to make everything show up in lower case. I hate lower case. LEARN THE FUCKING RULES OF GRAMMAR template-guy! You capitalize letters at the beginning of a sentence, I don't care how trendy and modern you think it is to have every letter lower case.

But, it's now a thing of the past. Behold my capital letters!

Anyway... finding my blog linked from The Last Angry Man's blog, The Watergirl left comments on my blog regarding GI Joes. So, I followed suit and found her blog linked on TLAM's blog. She rants. She talks about GI Joes. Two gold stars for you, Watergirl!

Before I go, I command all school districts to which I have applied to immediately call me for an interview/ job offer! Do it now! DOOM!

Brad:1 Silence:0

Well, that seemed to work.

As a follow up to last night's post, I decided not to e-mail her. Instead, I just said "screw it" and IMed her. Not only did I talk to her for a while, but I happened to catch her two days before she's going to be in Holland for a few days.

Alright, now I just need to bemoan not hearing from employers yet and see if I can go for two in a row...

Breaking that awkward silence

While on IM tonight, I saw a friend of mine sign in for just a few minutes. I was waiting to see if she IMed me first, since I was too apprehensive to make the leap. We were really close right at the end of high school, and for 4 years played a yo-yo game of how close we were. Two years ago in the fall, we were getting seemingly closer than we had before, but just as suddenly we snapped apart even further than we had before.

I had one brief, awkward conversation with her earlier this year. From what I was able to gather, a lot had happened in her transition to graduate school. In the last few months I've faced the very stark reality of most of my friends moving on and moving out, and so while I am afraid of losing contact with them I am reminded of those with whom I have lost touch. Her name is top on the list, and as much as I want to try to reconnect, I don't know if it's possible. Let alone if it's a good idea. I have a notorious habit of not keeping in touch, but as bad as I was at it with her, it seems like it was precipitated by something more than just my own laziness.

Name That Tune

I know somebody will know the answer to this. I can't really offer any prize other than my appreciation, but hopefully someone will be able to tell me what song this is. It's definitely in the punk/ska genre, but I can't narrow it down to a particular group. The chorus goes (approximately):

When it comes to me I'll be sitting at my desk
with a gun in my hand wearing a bullet-proof vest
Saying "My my my how the time does fly
when you know you're gonna die by the end of the night".

Thank you to whomever can help me out.

And the Winner is...

Brad:1
Entertainment Center: 0

Equation for an afternoon

Boombox + Less Than Jake + Power Tools + Entertainment Center = Fun For All

There is a neighborhood wide garage sale going on today and tomorrow, and I have opted not to participate. Though it is more time consuming and intensive, I will soon be listing all sorts of stuff I no longer want on eBay, where people will pay good money for crap that will only get you a nickel at a garage sale.

God bless capitalism.

So, while the rest of the neighborhood is merrily buying each other's crap in a display of community bonding, I will be blaring what I own of Less Than Jake's album catalogue (Losing Streak, Pezcore, Hello Rockview, and Anthem) from my anti-social garage.

Looking back and looking ahead

While working on the triumphant return of FreshMan to the printed page today, I took some time to look through all of the previous issues published in The Gargoyle. (*For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, a web archive of The Adventures of FreshMan is in the works). Looking at some of those issues now, I'd like to thank Steve for putting up with some of them as editor, and apologize to the rest of you for the "Missy inspired" issues. A special thanks goes out to Wilson for finally convincing me to look out for Brad first all those years ago.

But, back to the present. As far as what I have finished, I think the art has definitely improved as much as it can for someone like me without a whole lot of artistic talent and absolutely no training. The story is pretty basic, but I think there are some fun little hints thrown in there for (hopefully) subsequent issues.

If you're curious to see it, e-mail me your address in the next few weeks. I'll make sure you get an issue of The Newsletter it will appear in mailed to you.

Brad and Alex go to the Movies

After what seemed to be a consensus on positive reviews, I went to see Harold and Kumar go to White Castle with my brother. I think I got my money's worth. It was funny, not as dumb as I always picture Dude Where's My Car? being (and no Ashton Kutcher - always a plus), and somewhat heartwarming in parts. No fine cinema here, but a fun summer movie all the same. As an added bonus, all the social commentary made at the expense of the Princeton students in the movie applies just as well to much of U of M.

The nagging began today at home. Beyond just asking me if I have heard anything on the job front, my parents gave me a list of things I'm supposed to do tomorrow:
* get the title of my car transferred into my name
* renew license plate for said car
* get insurance quotes for said car
* apply as a substitute teacher to local districts
* become a responsible adult

I always feel like an accomplished, successful, responsible adult everywhere I go.
Except home.

In response to The Watergirl...

No, I did not purchase the 10th Mountain Division GI Joe. Though I agree, it does rule.

Yes, those are my GI Joes

Since I've continued buying toys many years beyond "childhood", I've always come to expect a range of reaction from those who either see my toys, or witness me buy them. Yet in all the years I have brought toys up to the checkout register, today was the first time a clerk asked me if they were mine.

I was at Toys R Us with a package of GI Joes, and the cashier asked me:
"Are those a gift or for you?"

I replied that they were, in fact, mine, and then she said "You're not the only one." If I hadn't overheard her talking to the previous customer about her kids, I may have flirted with her a bit. As it were, I quietly picked up my toys and went home.

Damn you Sigmund Freud

I love sleeping. Unfortunately, this means that I have been sleeping 10-12 hours a night since I've been home, and not getting out of bed until noon. Normally, sleep is great. But in the last few weeks my stress and frustration over finding a job has intruded into my dreams, and I don't like it.

In the last two weeks I have had three separate dreams about not just jobs in general, but specifically about the one school district I am really hoping for. I'd say I'm average when it comes to the number of dreams I remember... I don't remember them nightly, but I remember a few here and there. But, as far as my numbers go, remembering three dreams in two weeks is highly above average. These have not been weird, Salvador Dali inspired, nonsequitir, crazy shit happening dreams. These have been profoundly normal, realistic, I have to check my cell phone to see if I actually did just talk on it or if it was a dream, dreams.

Last week I dreamed that I was denied a job because I filled my application out wrong. Two nights ago I had a dream that I was not the candidate chosen, and the reason why was some sort of cover up that they would not admit to. And then last night, in a change of pace, I had gotten an interview and they had scheduled all sorts of things for me before they ever contacted me. This last one wasn't too bad (hey, I got an interview in it), but they all leave me with a heightened emotional level that I was hoping to put off until later in the day.

On the plus side, I did have a second dream last night where I beat up a bunch of street thugs. Man, did he go down like a sack of potatoes. (Spell-check says this is how you spell it... can you verify Mr. Quayle?)

A Boring Life in a Boring Town

One of my friends, not being from Holland, asked me once what there was to do in Holland. "Go to Grand Rapids," I told him. I spent all day yesterday playing video games in the basement. Here I am, 23 years old, playing video games in my parent's basement. Ah well, I guess it's not Magic.

Today is Wednesday, which means new comic day. (I know what you're thinking, and shut up - Magic and comics are two totally separate animals.) Unfortunately, the comic book store seems to have up and left, and I don't know where (or if) it has gone to.

So, given all these developments, I think I may drive to Grand Rapids today. Not because I really have to, but because I can.

Wilson would be so proud

I just got back from the used CD store where I sold 2 Creed CDs in order to get cash towards 2 Less Than Jake CDs.

Moving sucks

This won't be another depressed and bitter post about moving back home, just a commentary on the fact that I've spent all morning changing my address with every conceivable place that could send me mail. I had to start paying to keep my umich e-mail active, just because it's the e-mail I gave in all my resumes and there's a chance an employer may contact me over it. Luckily I was able to use the US Postal Services website to change my address, since I forgot to go to the post office and do that before leaving town. So, I've spent the morning calling cell phone and credit card companies to have my billing addresses changed, even though I pay everything online.

So, just in case you're trying to mail me cookies, check to make sure you've got the right address.

Back to Ho-Land

Today marks the first full day I have spent now that I am living back in my parent's house in Holland. For the first time in five years, I don't have an end date in site. Even during the two summers in college that seemed to go on forever, I at least had some solace in knowing that I would eventually be going back to Ann Arbor. Back home.

It's funny that I think of Ann Arbor as home, and not Holland where my family is. Technically, I have lived in Holland for the last nine years. But, realistically, I only spent four there. For the last five years I have spent most of the year in Ann Arbor, and have been a year-round resident there for the last three. Holland became a place I only went to to visit.

All hope is not lost. The plan is that I will only be here for a few weeks at most. Right now I'm playing the waiting game on my employment for the fall. Unlike other fields that have openings and hiring throughout the year, the field of teaching does all of its human resources work at the last minute. So, no that we're into August, the principals are coming back from a month of vacation, and all of us unemployed teachers are sitting by our phones waiting.

And waiting.

As it stands, there is one school I would really want to work at (Plymouth - by Ann Arbor), one school I could work at for a year (Holland High School - not my Alma Mater but still I'm stuck living in Holland), and a job in the psychology department at U of M that would pay the bills for a year or two. Sure, there are other random schools I applied at, but I am not thinking about those as much.

So, tomorrow I will finish unpacking my car, and keep hoping that my phone will ring. I've got some projects to keep my mind occupied. Let's just hope it's enough.

Leavin' Town.

This is my last day in Ann Arbor with any official relationship to U of M. I tried to make a list a while ago of things I should do before I left town, but I never got around to it. Nonetheless, I think my final hours in Ann Arbor have been memorable ones, and the events fitting for my last night in town.

To start with, at the beginning of the week I was pulling a double-shift for my job. Normally, each peer advisor gets a group of seven students to work with, and a partner with their group of students joins them. Well, since my partner left for med school, I took both of our groups by myself for the last week. The only reason I did it was because my supervisor knew I was the only one who could, but it was still a little trying. But, I prevailed and went out with a bang as far as my job was concerned.

So with orientation coming to an end, there had to be some sort of celebration. And celebrate we did.

I had made some off-handed (and apparently prophetic) comment earlier in the week that there had not been any illicit hook-ups among the staff this summer. Well, so much for that.

It started with a case of beer, and only got better from there. We played beer pong in the hallways while others played a Karaoke game for PS2. Once the case of beer was gone, we moved on to the party across the street where other members of the summer staff were.

At the party, a girl on the summer staff was getting friendly with me, and I didn't really do anything to dissuade her. I don't remember how she got there, but I know that when we were all kicked out of the house and went back to the dorm, she went to my room instead of hers.

I heard about it all morning from other members of the staff, and I guess all sorts of innuendos and rumours had been circling in the course of a few hours. I didn't let it get to me, I knew I was leaving town in a matter of hours. The day continued with ice skating at Yost Arena, a little end of orientation celebration at the office, and a final dinner on the University's dime.

All in all, not a bad way to make an exit.

I am Brad's internal monologue.

I am Brad's inflamed sense of self-defeat.

This is not where I'm supposed to be. I just turned 23 and I am single without prospects, unemployed with a slim glimmer of hope, and living back at home with my parents. My friends have all either moved away or are too busy for me. Oh, and did I mention I'm fat?

I have a college degree from the University of Michigan and that's supposed to be what stands me apart from all the losers who stayed in town after graduation. And yet, when I envision running into someone from high school, I don't know what I have to tell them about what I've done with my life.

I am Brad's crippling self-doubt.

I know what I want to do with my life, I just can't seem to do it. And without doing the things I want to do, I can't seem to be happy. I feel like I've spent the last few months sleepwalking through my own life, going through the motions without any real excitement or enthusiasm. I know it's apparent to anyone who sees me, and that's why I always come off as depressed and unhappy. I don't like feeling that way, but right now to try and feel differently is to be in denial.

I finally went through with e-mailing Missy. In some sense, for some brief moment, I think part of me believes that there may be something about it that is holding me back, keeping me tethered to the past, and that she is the most concrete representation of that uncertainty and self-doubt that I want to leave behind. I believe in some sort of opportunity for karmic self-cleansing, though I don't really know why or how. If she responds, maybe I'll find out. Maybe she cursed my libido, and I need to convince her to lift the curse.

Tomorrow begins my final days in Ann Arbor. Let's see what the last week brings.

I am Brad's cautious optimism.