I am Brad's internal monologue.

I am Brad's inflamed sense of self-defeat.

This is not where I'm supposed to be. I just turned 23 and I am single without prospects, unemployed with a slim glimmer of hope, and living back at home with my parents. My friends have all either moved away or are too busy for me. Oh, and did I mention I'm fat?

I have a college degree from the University of Michigan and that's supposed to be what stands me apart from all the losers who stayed in town after graduation. And yet, when I envision running into someone from high school, I don't know what I have to tell them about what I've done with my life.

I am Brad's crippling self-doubt.

I know what I want to do with my life, I just can't seem to do it. And without doing the things I want to do, I can't seem to be happy. I feel like I've spent the last few months sleepwalking through my own life, going through the motions without any real excitement or enthusiasm. I know it's apparent to anyone who sees me, and that's why I always come off as depressed and unhappy. I don't like feeling that way, but right now to try and feel differently is to be in denial.

I finally went through with e-mailing Missy. In some sense, for some brief moment, I think part of me believes that there may be something about it that is holding me back, keeping me tethered to the past, and that she is the most concrete representation of that uncertainty and self-doubt that I want to leave behind. I believe in some sort of opportunity for karmic self-cleansing, though I don't really know why or how. If she responds, maybe I'll find out. Maybe she cursed my libido, and I need to convince her to lift the curse.

Tomorrow begins my final days in Ann Arbor. Let's see what the last week brings.

I am Brad's cautious optimism.