Making My Decision

I can't remember what I was reading, but I saw something about various primaries around the country, and as a result I had to do a bit of research to figure out when the Michigan primaries would be held. When I saw that they were in January, I realized I had to figure out who I would vote for, which is a lot more complicated than the election in November will be. Come November '08 I will vote for whoever is running against Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or John Edwards. Such a decision is not simply a matter of blind partisanship - I just know that there's no way I would support any of those three and that I'll most likely support a much larger percentage of the Republican candidate's platform.

But herein lies the dilemma in voting in the primaries - I have to not only vote for the candidate whose views are most similar to my own, but I also have to take into consideration which candidate is a stronger opponent to the Democratic ticket. And despite the veritable smorgasbord of candidates seeking the party nomination and all the research that could be done into their individual platforms, there are really only three candidates that matter in terms of polling numbers - John McCain, Fred Thompson and Rudy Giuliani. And even with that triumvirate I don't think Thompson has quite the likelihood of success as the other two front-runners.

So really it comes down to McCain versus Giuliani. I like McCain, I really do... but I just don't know if he can do it in November. I think he's lost a lot of political support and capital ever since the 2000 primaries, and I just don't know if he has a strong enough base of support to take the election. He's an American hero, a man of integrity, and a true patriot and I think he would make a fine President... I just don't think it's possible for him to win the election.

But that's not to paint Giuliani as some sort of consolation prize. While I did not pay as close attention to his mayorship of New York City prior to September 11 as I did once the world spotlight was upon him, I was nevertheless impressed with the way he figuratively and literally cleaned up New York City. As his rumored candidacy grew closer and closer to reality I followed its development, curious to see what national policy ides would grow from his experience.

From the start I have liked Giuliani as a candidate. Despite the uproar from the supposed "moral voice" of the party I could care less about his personal life because it has no impact on his ability to govern. And I said the same thing about Bill Clinton, so I'm not just going easy on Rudy because he's a Republican. If his personal indiscretions are really the reason that people don't support him, those people need to look at the bigger picture.

I was flipping through the channels and came in partway through a speech Giuliani was giving to the Federalist Society that was being aired on C-SPAN. I don't know how much I missed, but I caught the last half hour or so. Given the nature of his audience his speech focused primarily on a strict constructionist view of the Constitution versus "judicial activism". Within this context he talked about a variety of issues from terrorism to taxes and everything in between, and I liked him more and more with each additional point he made.

I'll be proud to vote for Rudy three times - once in January, once in November, and once in 2012.

Time and Chance

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
~ Ecclesiastes 9:11

You, my dear readers, are right to call me on my folly. I cannot claim to give up, throw in the towel, and stop fighting the good fight when the battle has only just been joined. I just needed to voice my doubt and despair in the hopes of achieving some measure of catharsis, and having done so I can move on.

Introspection and reflection carry with them an inherently myopic view of the world. One develops tunnel vision, and it takes an outside perspective to see the picture more clearly. I need such reminders, and I am thankful for you that offer them here in this forum.

Giving Up on Love

These last few weeks
I've been confused
sometimes I wonder if
I'm better off alone.

You fall in love
then break your heart.
you fall in love again
it's never ending.

I used to have this friend
who took his fiance
to see Billy Idol
a couple weeks before
their wedding day.
the chick got backstage
and left my friend outside.
next day she called from a hotel
asking for a ride.

I guess I'm giving up on love [x3]
'cause it really kind of sucks

Uninspired
and growing tired
why am I always
so attracted to drama?

So here I am
grown up at 23
will someone tell me
what it takes to be happy?

I play in my band
and write a lot of songs
about relationships
and how mine went wrong.
maybe I'll meet that special
girl along the way
then she'll break my heart
and leave me crying.

I guess I'm giving up on love [x3]
'cause it really kind of sucks

I guess I'm giving up on love
I guess I'm giving up on love
'cause it's not worth it
I guess I'm giving up on love
'cause it really kind of...

The Ataris - "Giving Up on Love"

Beyond being a catchy and over-dramatic title for a song, the lyrics actually hold fairly true. The last few weeks I have been confused, getting over the latest disappointment in my love life. I knew that the situation wasn't perfect and that there was a good chance things were going to turn out the way they did, and yet as much as I thought I prepared myself for that eventuality the reality of it hit me a lot harder than I expected it to. I was miserable for a week, and since then have slowly gotten better along the process of moving on.

Which begs the question - moving on to what? Do I get back on the horse just to repeat the whole process all over again ad infinitum and ad absurdum comforted only by the vague hope that one day it will all work out and make sense and that this whole sad affair will have been worth it? Do I accept that discretion is the better part of valor and resign myself to a life of monastic hermitude? Do I resist the urge to strangle everyone who tells me "It'll happen when you're not looking and least expecting it" and actually take them at their word?

I seem to have developed a self-defeating pattern in relationships that I can't seem to break. With every girl I have dated in college there has been some sort of obstacle - mentally, emotionally, logistically, etc. - that has presented itself and which I have time and again minimized and tried to overcome only to eventually be defeated by. So I spend all the time I'm single anxious and depressed about being single, and then as soon as I start dating someone I'm anxious and depressed about the problems and conflicts that exist in making the relationship work.

If the point of dating is to spend time with different personalities and types of people in order to figure out what it is you're looking for in a long-term partner, I think I've created a pretty good sense of what I'm looking for in a woman. I don't want to be "dating" just for the sake of dating, but at the same time, I'm not looking to find "the one" tomorrow and get married.

Whatever the case, I'm about ready to take myself out of the lineup. I've certainly got enough other stuff going on, especially next semester when I am going to be finishing my thesis and looking for a job. I know nothing worth having ever came easy, but right now it's just impossible.

A Long Way to Fall

This morning was 47 degrees with a clear blue sky... perfect Fall weather. This is really the first perfect Fall day I can think of that we've had this year. Other days it's been 47 degrees, but as a result of clouds, rain, and wind. When the sun has been out it's caused the temperature to raise into the 60s and even 70s in October...... and that's just wrong.

There are few things as nice as a bright, crisp Fall day..........