Whatever sequence of decisions, good or bad, has led me here is not the point. I'm here, in the same state I've been in for months, and as of yet the alternate option has not yet presented itself. All the opportunities I tried to create dissolved, crashed and burned on the runway, and suffice to say did not change the situation. Right now my options are to succumb to depression and disillusionment, or laugh at myself and press on.
Happy or sad.
Fight or flight.
Coke or Pepsi.
Make no mistake, I am angry and frustrated to no end about still being home and having no options but to substitute and keep working at the Gap. Crappy jobs or no jobs. Small paychecks or no paychecks. It's what I've got to work with, and so I'm trying to just plug away and get ready to strike at the next opportunity I can either find or make. All I can do is nurture the hope that there is hope.
Hope or despair.
Half empty or half full.
Paper or plastic.
It may be that I've become numb to it all. This may be what going mad feels like. But as down as I get, have gotten, and will still get in the next few months, I do still get excited about Job Fairs in April, and getting letters out to schools in other states this spring.
Stay or go.
Here or there.
For better or worse.
I'll keep on keeping on. Trying to find something positive, something that if it doesn't make me happy, at least makes me less depressed each day.
Because remember, monkeys are funny.
Red Pill or Blue Pill
3 comments:
Brad, I've totally been where you are. Happy. Coke. Flight. Hope. Empty. Paper. Go. There. Better.
Moving across the country, even just part of the way, sucks in many ways. But a change of scenery is the best thing you'll ever get, baby. Good luck with finding a job in CO. I'm pulling for you.
I (sorta) disagree, it's entirely possible to have any number of problems that can't be solved by your own actions. The only choice is to trudge on with as much of a smile as you can muster. Which is pretty much what you're saying I guess, but sometimes you just have to realize that you don't have a choice that will end up making a difference.
But monkeys are always awesome. :)
Brad,
Remember what Eric Idle sang so well, "Life's a piece of shit/ when you look at it/ Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true/ You'll see it's all a show/ Keep 'em laughing as you go/ Just remember that the last laugh is on you/ Always look on the bright side of life."
Everything will be fine, you will get a job and you will like it. If you don't, you will find another job that you like. This is only a temporary hicup in the continuing "Story of Brad." If there were no downs, how would you know where the ups were. Well I think that is enough of the cheezy pep talk. Keep your chin up and all that.
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