This past weekend, I had some disturbing dreams. Not nightmares, not even bad dreams really. But the kind of dream that I wake up from eternally thankful that it was not reality. The first was Thursday night, and the second was Saturday. Seeing this every-other-day pattern, I wondered if they would continue last night, but thankfully they did not.
Like I said - the dreams were not that bad. But it was the unexpected nature of their subjects that got to me. Both of them were set in college, despite the fact that it's been nearly a year since I graduated. And though I graduated almost a year ago, since I spent the final semester student teaching it's been a year and a half since I last took exams and studied like a college student. And both dreams involved my ex-girlfriend - which is even more odd since I haven't seen her in over 2 years, and have not thought about her in months.
In the first dream Thursday night, I was in Holland and had to drive back to Ann Arbor for a final exam. The exam was a combination of two History classes I took - one Junior year and one Senior year. Though the subject was more closely related to the course taken Junior year, my unbelievable lack of preparation and complete befuddlement of the subject was much too close to the reality of the class I took Senior year. Not only was I running against the clock to get back for the exam, but I needed to get back early so that I could review notes and materials after having not been to the class in a month. In the dream, I arrived on campus with time to spare, and was headed to the lecture hall my exam was in for some last minute cramming. Along the way, I ran into the aforementioned ex-girlfriend, facing down a scenario much like what happened in real life. In the dream we were in the process of breaking-up, and in reality I ran into her like this right after I had broken up with her, and in both cases she had gone from acceptance of this to the need for argument and discussion over the matter. I had to deal with it in real life, but in this dream scenario I was lucky enough to wake up before finishing the confrontation.
I don't remember the details of the second dream from Saturday all that well. All I do remember is that the narrative of the dream involved the ex-girlfriend and I in a much more stable and happy relationship than ever really existed in my waking life.
It's a bit disconcerting to have her intruding into my dreams, and a bit confusing. As I said, I have not given her so much as a casual thought in months. There's no unrequited love on my part - I took great comfort and solace in the fact that I broke up with her on my terms only after trying every conceivable course to mend our relationship. The psychology major in me is trying to figure out if I was actually dreaming of her, if she represented something greater and more metaphorical, or if there is some unconscious conflict within myself that needs to be resolved.
I guess there's a good chance that I'm on the brink of a High Fidelity-esque "What does it all mean?" top 5 countdown to figure out where I am in my current state of romantic stagnation, but I don't think so. I have no plans to drag out the little black book and try to piece together the rended scraps of my love life.
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2 comments:
"Charlie, you bitch! Let's work it out!"
Mike, classic quote. God, I adore that book, and even love the movie.
Brad, I wouldn't stress about ex-dreams. I keep having dreams about a relatively recent "Flame," lately, and while it's bothersome, I really think it's more a product of the fact that my romantic life is pretty lacking lately, and by lately I mean for much of the past three years.
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